Getting the Most from Your Relationship with Your Doula (Part II)

By Mama Melissa  November 1, 2015

We asked MamaViews doulas what expecting parents could do to get the most out of their relationship with their doula.  They had so many amazing tips that we couldn’t fit them all in one post!  So here is part 2 (Click here to check out Part 1). 


Don’t be shy, we’ve seen it all

“Just relax and be yourself – as doulas we have seen it ALL and appreciate and love our clients for showing us who they are. The REAL happiness, truth, fear, stress, and bliss of childbirth. The more you open up mentally and emotionally, the more we can help.”

MJ Vargas, Albuquerque, NM

“Don’t be shy about clearly defining the role you are hoping your doula will play in your birth, it helps us know how best to help you!”

Jessica Dravecky, Hotchkiss, CO

“Be honest and open! Communicate everything! The more your doula knows, the more she will be able to help you! Think of your doula as your ultimate confidant.”

Amy Patel, Tooele, UT

Think of your doula as a friend

“Interview several doulas if possible before choosing one. Most doula’s will do a complimentary meet up, use this time to ask any questions you have and really get feel for their personality and views on birth support. You want to get the feeling that the relationship is good fit on both ends to help ensure a great birth experience!”

- Casey Bonyata, Elkhorn, WI

“Pick a doula who would make you feel better even if you got stuck in an elevator with her for the day!”

Tabare Depaep, Long Beach, CA

“Be honest with your doula. She can only know what you tell her. Let her know about health issues, your fears, your excitement. She can assist you in researching concerns and help you voice those concerns to your care provider.”

Olivia Sporinsky, Sumter, SC

“Be open with your birth doula and allow her to know how she may best help you have the birth you choose. She also will be able to tell you then what her strengths are in serving you. Develop a friendship with her aside from your birth and invite her to meet the rest of the family whether they are planning to attend the birth or not. If she is planning to labor at home with you, allow her to see the house, your labor space etc. before the birth. Keep her in the loop with your doctor/midwife visits during the last few weeks of pregnancy, including her at a visit if she wants to come. Her name should be on your birth plan so that the hospital staff also know that she is your labor support doula. Consult her and trust her advice remembering that she has the experience and the knowledge to keep you on track for your birthing wishes.”

- Sarah Larson, Bend, OR

Take your time

“Meet when you have time, and there isn’t anything rushing you. Tell your doula your every thought on how you wish for her to support you, so she can get a clear picture!! If you don’t feel you are the perfect fit for each other, keep looking, that’s one of the most important assets to having the birth you dreamt.”

– Eszter Dobay, Brooklyn, NY

“The best advice I could give to pregnant couples who want to get the most out of the relationship with their doula is to choose a doula who is passionate about her role and responsibilities of being a doula. She will then build the relationship by meeting with the couple “as often as it takes” for them to feel confident and empowered on birthing day. Its all about knowing the wishes of each individual’s needs, and what better way is there than to spend time with them?!”

– Gail Buzzotta, Chesterfield, MO

Your doula just wants the best for you

“Be honest about your needs and wants—don’t be afraid to ask questions and always know your doula has your best interest at heart.”

– Susan Hoffmann CPD, Pompano Beach, FL

“Trust that your Doula is passionate about her work and she wants only the very best for you.”

Joni Eliahou, Encino, CA

“It is of the greatest importance to stay in touch with your doula. She is there to answer your questions, provide education, information and resources as well as emotional support. No questions or concerns are insignificant. Many care providers are unable to give their patients more than a few minutes of their time at each prenatal visit, so parents often leave with many unanswered questions. If it matters to you, if matters to your doula, so let her know. Give her a call, text, or email, you will both be happy you did!”

Debi Benton, Los Angeles, CA

For postpartum support

“Create trust in your Postpartum Doula, through her guidance you can build your confidence as a new parent and understand and read your baby’s cues. You learn to address to them and start setting routines. It is all about learning to trust your instincts in those first few months. A Postpartum Doula is a tremendous support during this precious time.”

Manon Chevallerau, New York, NY

“It is easy to forget about self care when a couple is faced with total responsibility for a lil tiny’s (infant’s) well-being and having a post-partum doula allows parents to fit in their needs too. There are definitely times when a doula’s presence is no longer necessary, that is important to discuss as well.”

Natalie Zeri, Topanga, CA


For more great tips click here to check out Part 1 of this article



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